Marriage Counseling

Joy and fulfillment in our intimate relationship is a proven formula for meaning and satisfaction in life.  Studies show that people even live longer in a stable marriage.  Coaching couples to diminish disappointment and resentment, clarify expectations, resolve conflict, and learn to get more pleasure from their marriage is where the action takes place in marriage counseling.

The process of marital therapy begins with an assessment.  Examining together with a therapist what each partner sees as the difficulties or rough spots in the relationships is the focus of the assessment, which can last 1 – 4 sessions. 

Since our models for being a man and woman, husband and wife, are learned in part from our families, the therapist will gather information about your background and family histories.  Actually, recurring themes, such as losses, abuse and abandonment are important to recognize.  How our families of origin communicated anger, affection or handle conflict can be useful to look at. 

Sometimes, as part of the assessment, I will meet with a husband or a wife separately, one time, to get to know each partner individually.  At the end of the assessment, I offer recommendations as to how marital therapy might best proceed.  Sometimes, I suggest a plan for weekly sessions with a couple.  Other times, it may be necessary for one or both parties to have individual sessions first before couples counseling can be productive or efficient. 

I also tell couples that both partners are responsible for the difficulties in the marriage but neither is to blame.  During marital work, it may appear that the therapist is on the side of the husband or wife, but my allegiance is to the marriage. 

While couples get stuck in a competitive struggle around who is right or wrong, it is crucial that the couple move into a paradigm of understanding.  This transcends right and wrong and leads to more productive dialogue.

Improvement in relationship skills and the resources one brings to a relationship may be the major focus of counseling. Couples may learn relationship skills that include: assertiveness, conflict resolution, communications, empathic listening and skills in negotiating.  Armed with a broader base of relationship competencies, a couple can break free of destructive patterns, resolve conflicts and gain more enjoyment from being together.

Overview of Counseling

Counseling is a learning process that has many faces.  There are both numerous models and approaches to counseling as well as difficult situations in life for which counseling can offer a guiding light.  This variety of therapy formats and its broad applicability can lead to confusion and misunderstanding. 

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Treatment for Anxiety and Depression

Counseling is about change.  For some clients, behavioral change is the goal.  Others want relief from symptoms that are interfering with their functioning at home or at work.  Sometimes these symptoms can eat away at the vitality of our relationships.

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